Today I want us to discuss whether you actually deserve it. Do you actually deserve achieving your dreams? Do you deserve that car, that house, that lifestyle?
I was listening to the To My Sisters podcast which explored the concept of how words have power. And apart from words having power, we need to be conscious of the source of these words as this source is important. But more than anything, we also need to believe these words we speak.
We are very quick to have affirmations: I am wonderful. I am beautiful, I am a,b and c, but do we actually believe the words that we’re speaking? Because if we don’t believe the words that we’re speaking, how do we believe those things will come to fruition?
Words are like seeds; you sow them into the ground and hope that they bear fruit. You know that if the ground is fertile, the chances of that seed growing are higher than if you plant it in, for example, the desert where the soil isn’t too fertile. In poor soil, the seed will struggle. And words are exactly the same.
When we see an affirmation or when we see the word (or the word in the Bible if you’re a Christian), where are you sowing that seed? Is it being sown in fertile ground or are you just randomly planting that seed in the desert and hoping for the best?
The podcast prompted me to ask myself whether I was planting my seeds in fertile ground. I had to ask myself why I have failed to achieve certain things? Why can’t I be successful in the things that I pursue? Why can’t I be successful at work? Why can’t I be successful at writing? Why can’t I be successful in the YouTube space?
I realized that, deep down, I think and believe that I don’t deserve these things. I don’t deserve to be someone that is flourishing at work. I don’t deserve to be someone who is doing well and getting paid for the content they create.
A Wounded Inner Child
This feeling of inadequacy and not being deserving of great things comes from a wounded inner child. An inner child that continuously needs to be reassured that she is worthy. Healing the inner child is important to make my mind and my heart fertile ground for the seeds that I want to sow.
As I sat with the realization of internalized inadequacy, it dawned on me that I still believed the words spoken to me in high school. High school was something else. You know that kid in movies that sat in the corner and read books? Well, that was me. I didn’t do sports, but did debating and public speaking. I held my own academically and typically stayed in my lane. I did what needed to be done and tried not to cause a ruckus.
I did what needed to be done in school, and some people were irritated by that for some reason.
Some people were irritated by the fact that I wasn’t rebelling like teenagers do. And because I wasn’t rebelling, they would always say “Yeah, your life is perfect right now, but when you get older, you will want to rebel and things will just fall apart.” And that’s what I kept: Once I’m older, my life should be falling apart. In the back of my mind, I kept wondering when the other shoe was going to drop.
Unfortunately, I’ve let that narrative subconsciously ruin how I perceive what I deserve. I have lived waiting for things to fall apart. This way of living means that I would not put in the work required for me to be successful at work; I would not put in the effort required for my YouTube channel to succeed. I will engage in self sabotaging behavior because I believe that I was not destined to succeed anyway.
I see now that I need to change how I think about and perceive my future in order to remove that seed that was planted so long ago. I didn’t even realize that the words spoken so long ago had taken root in my subconscious and had grown to overshadow my ambition. I’m now in the process of removing this limiting belief.
I know a lot of people would say when you are removing a limiting belief or overcoming a limiting belief that you should have a mantra. But what is a mantra without fertile ground? How are you going to sow this mantra when that limiting belief still exists? So before you try and grab a mantra or an affirmation, you need to uproot that limiting belief.
And how you can do that is?
1. Sit down with those limiting beliefs
Sit down with the limiting belief and explore where it comes from. A lot of us are very afraid to explore where our limiting beliefs come from because it often takes us to very sensitive and painful places within our minds, within our bodies, within our hearts. So it’s easier to just hope for the best and hope that that limiting belief will disappear. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.
We have to sit with this limiting belief and explore what has and currently exists to support this limiting belief. The more you explore, the sooner you realize that evidence does not exist to support this limiting belief. There is no evidence to support that my life will fall apart because I didn’t rebel in high school.
So for example, if your limiting belief is that you can’t be wealthy, what evidence do you have to support this? If your socio-economic environment permit, what is preventing you from creating the wealth you seek?
When evidence does not exist to support the existence of a limiting belief, we start engaging in behaviors that, in some ways, create evidence to support that limiting belief.
So in our example of wealth creation, a lot of the times, instead of saving your money, you’ll probably go out with friends and buy expensive clothes. And then at the end of the month you think “I don’t have money, I can’t save and therefore I can’t build wealth.”
You can be wealthy, the only thing preventing that is your self-sabotaging behavior.
In my case, it’s not a case that I can’t be successful, thrive at work or grow a safe YouTube community where people feel heard. I just need to stop being lazy. I need to start putting in the work. I need to pay attention during the seven hours that I dedicate to my formal official work. I need to carve out time, and that means stop watching YouTube videos and start creating content for my YouTube channel.
Sitting down with your limiting beliefs makes you realize there is no evidence to support it; and makes you realize that often times it is your self-sabotaging behavior that creates this false evidence.
2. Find a good replacement
The second thing that you can do after exploring your limiting beliefs is finding something to replace it with. So whatever is true, whatever is good and whatever is just (Philippians 4v8) is, focus on that; and from there find seeds to sow in your life.
What in your life currently exists that is good that you are proud of? Something that you and those around you have tangible evidence exists. Take that thing and plant it. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Even the smallest thing can bring about the change you need.
For example. I’m one of those folks that loves and is very good at organizing spaces. It comes naturally to me because I have a terrible memory and if something is not in the same place, I will not find it. So I’m forced to be orgnised. I can leverage that to achieve my dreams because me being highly organised in the sense of how I place things in the house means that I can be highly organised in the way that I plan out my day.
I know now that my life is not going to fall apart because that was a lie. I can use my skill to organise myself and carve out time for doing things that I love. I can carve out time to actually work when I’m supposed to be working (because your girl gets easily distracted); carve out time to find ways to grow not only my channel, but to grow myself in order to be better equipped for the realities of success.
So find something that is good and true, and use that to replace the limiting belief. And by doing so, you can plant your words in soil that has been fertilized.
For as long as we don’t confront, uproot and replace our limiting beliefs, we will stay stuck. We will keep asking ourselves “Why can’t I get there? What is preventing me from becoming or doing a,b and c?”
So 2024 is dedicated to uprooting the limiting beliefs and replacing them with things that we know we are good at. And then from there, taking a word from a place of love and planting that in your life and knowing that that word is true to you.
That word will come to fruition because that word is planted in truth.
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