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Let’s talk friendships.

Friendship is defined as a state of mutual trust and support. However, recently I have started to wonder how the manner in which you trust and support yourself impacts how you trust and support those around you.

As an adult, forming and maintaining friendships becomes a challenge. This is because we become wrapped up in trying to reach this destination of financial freedom and motional stability that we were promised as kids; a destination that seems unattainable the more you think about it. In our quest to reach this promised land, we start to isolate and become laser focused on getting to that arbitrary finish line that we no longer trust and support ourselves in other aspects of our lives. Which then impacts our ability to trust and support those around us.

In my previous post I talked about how I want to become more present in my friendships. And I know this has to be a conscious effort on my part as people get busier as they grow older. But have you noticed something strange? As we grow older, we become busier. However, in this state of “busyness”, we become more isolated and more alone. One would think that when you are always up to something that you are interacting with more people, thus creating more relationships. But that’s not the case… But I digress.

In my effort to become more present in my relationships, I have promised to check in regularly with those I love, with those that have supported me and with those I have trusted my emotions with. I know now that nurturing relationships requires time and effort. Social media has created this illusion that if you like someone’s status or comment under someone’s picture that you are being a friend. But in actual fact that distance still exists. It’s a distance that can only be reduced through meaningful interactions; whether it is a phone call, a string of texts or meeting up in person.

I know that facilitating this shift will require effort on my part Things will have to change and I will need to become more intentional with what I spend my time on. This is the only way I can create space in my life for those that have trusted and supported me. But more importantly, it will allow me to be able to support those I love when they need me.

The other day I was talking to an acquaintance about how, when we grow older, we are always expected to give. But I have come to realise that you do not want to give part of yourself in a friendship. You want to share a part of yourself. When you give part of yourself, you remove that part of you and give it to someone to do as they please with it (theoretically). However, when you share with someone, you create enough space: you multiply your ability to love, to care, to support that other person. You create space for that person to sit under the same umbrella as you. And because you are sharing that space, that umbrella, you will always work to ensure that the space is positive and loving. This is because you are in that space with that person. So as you nurture and grow yourself, you nurture and grow that friendship as well.

So I suppose 2022 is the year of friendships.

So if you are reading this, know that you are loved and regarded as a friend.

xoxo

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Ros Limbo
mulemwa.limbo@gmail.com

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