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But Do You Deserve It Though?

Ros Limbo — Tue, 06 Feb 2024 21:20:52 +0000

Today I want us to discuss whether you actually deserve it. Do you actually deserve achieving your dreams? Do you deserve that car, that house, that lifestyle?

I was listening to the To My Sisters podcast which explored the concept of how words have power. And apart from words having power, we need to be conscious of the source of these words as this source is important. But more than anything, we also need to believe these words we speak.

We are very quick to have affirmations: I am wonderful. I am beautiful, I am a,b and c, but do we actually believe the words that we’re speaking? Because if we don’t believe the words that we’re speaking, how do we believe those things will come to fruition?

Words are like seeds; you sow them into the ground and hope that they bear fruit. You know that if the ground is fertile, the chances of that seed growing are higher than if you plant it in, for example, the desert where the soil isn’t too fertile. In poor soil, the seed will struggle. And words are exactly the same.

When we see an affirmation or when we see the word (or the word in the Bible if you’re a Christian), where are you sowing that seed? Is it being sown in fertile ground or are you just randomly planting that seed in the desert and hoping for the best?

The podcast prompted me to ask myself whether I was planting my seeds in fertile ground. I had to ask myself why I have failed to achieve certain things? Why can’t I be successful in the things that I pursue? Why can’t I be successful at work? Why can’t I be successful at writing? Why can’t I be successful in the YouTube space?

I realized that, deep down, I think and believe that I don’t deserve these things. I don’t deserve to be someone that is flourishing at work. I don’t deserve to be someone who is doing well and getting paid for the content they create.

A Wounded Inner Child

This feeling of inadequacy and not being deserving of great things comes from a wounded inner child. An inner child that continuously needs to be reassured that she is worthy. Healing the inner child is important to make my mind and my heart fertile ground for the seeds that I want to sow.

As I sat with the realization of internalized inadequacy, it dawned on me that I still believed the words spoken to me in high school. High school was something else. You know that kid in movies that sat in the corner and read books? Well, that was me. I didn’t do sports, but did debating and public speaking. I held my own academically and typically stayed in my lane. I did what needed to be done and tried not to cause a ruckus.

I did what needed to be done in school, and some people were irritated by that for some reason.

Some people were irritated by the fact that I wasn’t rebelling like teenagers do. And because I wasn’t rebelling, they would always say “Yeah, your life is perfect right now, but when you get older, you will want to rebel and things will just fall apart.” And that’s what I kept: Once I’m older, my life should be falling apart. In the back of my mind, I kept wondering when the other shoe was going to drop.

Unfortunately, I’ve let that narrative subconsciously ruin how I perceive what I deserve. I have lived waiting for things to fall apart. This way of living means that I would not put in the work required for me to be successful at work; I would not put in the effort required for my YouTube channel to succeed. I will engage in self sabotaging behavior because I believe that I was not destined to succeed anyway.

I see now that I need to change how I think about and perceive my future in order to remove that seed that was planted so long ago. I didn’t even realize that the words spoken so long ago had taken root in my subconscious and had grown to overshadow my ambition. I’m now in the process of removing this limiting belief.

Limiting Beliefs

I know a lot of people would say when you are removing a limiting belief or overcoming a limiting belief that you should have a mantra. But what is a mantra without fertile ground? How are you going to sow this mantra when that limiting belief still exists? So before you try and grab a mantra or an affirmation, you need to uproot that limiting belief.

And how you can do that is?

1. Sit down with those limiting beliefs

Sit down with the limiting belief and explore where it comes from. A lot of us are very afraid to explore where our limiting beliefs come from because it often takes us to very sensitive and painful places within our minds, within our bodies, within our hearts. So it’s easier to just hope for the best and hope that that limiting belief will disappear. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

We have to sit with this limiting belief and explore what has and currently exists to support this limiting belief. The more you explore, the sooner you realize that evidence does not exist to support this limiting belief. There is no evidence to support that my life will fall apart because I didn’t rebel in high school.

So for example, if your limiting belief is that you can’t be wealthy, what evidence do you have to support this? If your socio-economic environment permit, what is preventing you from creating the wealth you seek?

Self-sabotage!

When evidence does not exist to support the existence of a limiting belief, we start engaging in behaviors that, in some ways, create evidence to support that limiting belief.

So in our example of wealth creation, a lot of the times, instead of saving your money, you’ll probably go out with friends and buy expensive clothes. And then at the end of the month you think “I don’t have money, I can’t save and therefore I can’t build wealth.”

You can be wealthy, the only thing preventing that is your self-sabotaging behavior.

In my case, it’s not a case that I can’t be successful, thrive at work or grow a safe YouTube community where people feel heard. I just need to stop being lazy. I need to start putting in the work. I need to pay attention during the seven hours that I dedicate to my formal official work. I need to carve out time, and that means stop watching YouTube videos and start creating content for my YouTube channel.

Sitting down with your limiting beliefs makes you realize there is no evidence to support it; and makes you realize that often times it is your self-sabotaging behavior that creates this false evidence.

2. Find a good replacement

The second thing that you can do after exploring your limiting beliefs is finding something to replace it with. So whatever is true, whatever is good and whatever is just (Philippians 4v8) is, focus on that; and from there find seeds to sow in your life.

What in your life currently exists that is good that you are proud of? Something that you and those around you have tangible evidence exists. Take that thing and plant it. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Even the smallest thing can bring about the change you need.

For example. I’m one of those folks that loves and is very good at organizing spaces. It comes naturally to me because I have a terrible memory and if something is not in the same place, I will not find it. So I’m forced to be orgnised. I can leverage that to achieve my dreams because me being highly organised in the sense of how I place things in the house means that I can be highly organised in the way that I plan out my day.

I know now that my life is not going to fall apart because that was a lie. I can use my skill to organise myself and carve out time for doing things that I love. I can carve out time to actually work when I’m supposed to be working (because your girl gets easily distracted); carve out time to find ways to grow not only my channel, but to grow myself in order to be better equipped for the realities of success.

So find something that is good and true, and use that to replace the limiting belief. And by doing so, you can plant your words in soil that has been fertilized.

For as long as we don’t confront, uproot and replace our limiting beliefs, we will stay stuck. We will keep asking ourselves “Why can’t I get there? What is preventing me from becoming or doing a,b and c?”

So 2024 is dedicated to uprooting the limiting beliefs and replacing them with things that we know we are good at. And then from there, taking a word from a place of love and planting that in your life and knowing that that word is true to you.

That word will come to fruition because that word is planted in truth.

The post But Do You Deserve It Though? first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Facing Change: How to Embrace New Opportunities

Ros Limbo — Sun, 05 Nov 2023 01:00:19 +0000

Let’s talk about that one thing that makes everyone nervous: change.

My life has changed drastically in the last six months. It went from being frustrated about not being promoted to moving to a whole new continent in order to pursue a new career.

Y’all it has been hard!

Change is not easy; especially when it’s crammed in such a short time frame. I feel like I’m losing my mind because I feel so overwhelmed, but I’m still here. There are moments when I want to press reset and just go back to a time where I wasn’t living in a foreign country. A time when the only thing I could complain about was the scorching heat of the Namibian sun.

But I can’t because I know that running away from change is not a solution. Yes there is some discomfort with change, but that far outweighs the consequences of staying in the same place. There are four consequences to resisting change.

1. Missed Opportunities

When you are resistant to change, you’re more likely to miss out on opportunities that could have been great for you. I studied a Bachelor’s of Commerce in undergrad and I remember in my second year I was offered an opportunity to change my major. This would have seen me work towards a Bachelors in Commercial Law. My lecturers saw my potential and ability to thrive outside the Accouting world, but I turned it down.

I turned it down out of fear of what my mom would say. I now look back and wonder if my varsity experience would have been any different if I took the leap of faith and pursued something I found enjoyable. And that’s the sad thing about resisting change: you will find yourself living in erpetual regret.

2. Stagnation

Stagnation occurs when you resist change because when you’re too afraid or unwilling to try new things, you find yourself stuck.

I have have worked four jobs thus far. When I started my second job, I realised it was nothing like I thought it would be. I was scared, frustrated and unfulfilled, but I didn’t leave. I stayed there for almost four years. My fear kept me trapped and my career was going nowhere fast.

I look back now and I wonder why I didn’t just leave after the first year. There wasn’t anything stopping me, but the fear of changing work environments. The thought of making new work friends, learning to report to a new boss and navigating the politics of another work enviroment made me fearful. So instead of moving forward, I allowed myself to sit in that place of frustration.

3. Mental Health Issues

Failing to adapt to change can have a negative impact on your mental health. When you’re constantly resistant to change, you may experience things like anxiety, depression and other forms of mental health issues.

I stayed in my first job for six months. Six months into my stint there, I started getting very sick. Although i took care of my health (exercised and ate well), I constantly found myself tired and experienced severe back pain. I went to a physiotherapist for a while, but it never got better. After a while, the physiotherapsit told me to consider seeing a psychologist as my pain may be a physical manifestation of depression or another mental illness.

I eventually went to a psychologist and I learnt that my mental health had been deteriorating for a while. I was constantly anxious, and my fear of change had me staying in a toxic work environment while my mental health took a hit. For a while I was too afraid to look for a job because better the devil you know right.

It took some extreme events for me to finally leave that environment.

4. Missed Personal Growth

When you’re too afraid to try new things or to take risks, you may find yourself stuck in the same place without any growth or progress.

The other day I was looking back at some old photos of myself and I realized that I hadn’t changed much in a very long time. Before I moved to London, I did the same things, I went to the same places and I kept my circle of friends. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with my friends. I love them! But I never attempted to expand my network and meet new people.

And perhaps that’s why I decided to move. I realised that I wasn’t really living a fulfilling life and I wasn’t living a fulfilling life because there are certain areas in my life I wanted to change but I was just too afraid

So if you want to lead a more fulfilling life, a life where you feel like you’re constantly pursuing and living in your purpose, it’s important to to pursue and embrace change at any at any and every opportunity. It is not easy, but being more receptive to change has a way of making everything around you much better.

Becoming comfortable with change is hard, but not impossible. So how exactly can you do it?

1. Accept Change

Hiding away from change does not mean it won’t happen. It simply means it’ll happen without you. Remember those missed opportunities we talked about.

I’m not a gym bunny, but I love various forms of movement such as walking or pilates. My body is very responsive to exercise and movement. I can start working out in the beginning of the month struggling to complete a workout, only for me to become fully adjusted in less than a month.

I have grown so accustomed to my body behaving in this manner, that I never thought it would change, That was before COVID.

After COVID, my body felt different. Movement was so hard. I remeber trying to do my first 5 km walk and I couldn’t even finish one kilometer. My body felt s foreign. I tried pushing myself to do more. But the more I pushed myself, the harder movement become. It got so bad that I started hating movement altogether.

I came to the realisation that this was my new reality and accept that COVID-19 forever changed my body. I can’t even be upset because I know surviving a bout of COVID, especially during the early stages of the pandemic, is a blessing. Accepting the change allowed me to start feeling more comfortable and my body started feeling like home again.

2. Embracing Change

Embracing change can be difficult especially if it’s not something that you were expecting, but embracing change is essential if you want to adapt and grow.

I currently live in London and the first time I went outside, I was really scared! There were so many people!

I’m from Namibia, a country with a population of less than three million people. London is pushing a population of over 9 million people. And although everybody speaks English, the accents make it so hard to understand what folks are saying. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a in a country where they speak a foreign language.

I found myself constantly calling my sister; I would text her and I would be crying and I’d ask myself if I made a massive mistake in moving.

Today, I now find myself using the tube like I have been living here all my life, but I still cry. And when I have the urge to cry, I choose a park to walk to. I watch people walk their dogs and find areas to explore. And that’s one thing I appreciate about London: the many open parks.

The other day I walked past the River Lea and saw a swan up close for the first time. I’m not a fan of birds, in fact I’m terrified of birds, but swans are truly a sight.

3. Be Flexible

Flexibility is key when it comes to adapting to change. It is important to be open to new experiences and willing to adjust your plans and expectations.

I applied to my third job (yes I know, I have a lot of work drama but bear with me) wanting to be a forensic auditor. But when I started working, I found myself doing a lot of internal audit work. For those not familiar with auditing, these two fields are completely different. It’s like a pediatrician vs a gynecologist; both are doctors but specialise in different fields.

When I started doing internal audit work, I was frustrated because it was not what I signed up for. I felt as though I didn’t have the skills to become an internal auditor, and I didn’t want to gain those skills. However, I soon had to remind myself of all the times I allowed myself to sit in frustration.

This time instead of staying in a state of fear and frustration, I started asking questions. I have to say I was lucky to have an amazing Senior Manager and Director that were both willing to guide me and teach me. The support they provided me allowed me to not only acquire a new skill, but also allowed me to call myself an internal auditor.

4. Focus On The Positive

When going through change, it’s very easy to focus on the negative. But keeping an eye out for the positive is important.

When I was in varsity, I was on the debating team. Those familiar with university debating will know that before any major tournament, there were tryouts. Well, I tried out as a speaker, but failed to make the cut. I was upset and disappointed, but refused to throw myself a pity party. Instead I decied to take up the role of adjudicator (the folks that judge the debate).

I’m so glad I decided to pivot into adjudication because it was so much fun, and I was rather good at it. Being an adjudicator taught me how to listen to others and showed me the importance of critical thinking. It taught me how to balance different perspectives and not buy into the notion that your accent determines your level of intellect. Plus it made me an excellent notetaker.

So yes, change can be scary.

It can be scary and overwhelming, but change can also be exciting and rewarding. It’s all about how you deal with it.

The post Facing Change: How to Embrace New Opportunities first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Be Like Messi: Ignoring Exernal Negativity and Pursuing Growth

Ros Limbo — Sun, 18 Dec 2022 21:00:00 +0000

It’s the 18th of December 2022 and Lionel Messi has finally won his World Cup!

Yes Argentina won, but I mean it’s Messi’s World Cup. If you watch football or have any interest in football, or soccer if you’re in America, you will know that Messi is regarded as one of the greatest players that has ever lived. But even with this people always argue that he is not as great as maybe Maradona or he is not as great as Ronaldo from Brazil (not Portugal) because he has never won a World Cup.

I can only imagine how this kind of negative talk can impact one’s performance because the FIFA World Cup is the highest achievement in football that any player can obtain. In that moment when they got to penalties and Argentina’s goalkeeper caught that fourth penalty; the cheering, the joy, the emotion… It showed me that it is important to show up for yourself even when people don’t believe in you. To show up for yourself even when people say you can’t achieve something or even when the world does not recognize the work that you have put in.

There have been many a time when commentators and supporters a like said a lot of negative things about Messi; yet he continuously showed up for himself. He showed up on the field. He showed up for his team. And he delivered. His persistence and perseverance has culminated in him finally winning the World Cup.

As I celebrate his win, I can’t help but look back over this year and realize that so many times I have allowed the perceptions or the negative self-talk of those around me, whether it’s people close to me or even folks that I don’t know, influence how I show up for myself. I have allowed it to influence how I believe in myself and this has shown up in a lot of the work that I do; not only in my writing but also on my YouTube channel.

For a long while I stopped writing and making videos. I stopped not because I didn’t enjoy it or that I’m not passionate about this blog. I love what I do. I love writingand I love talking to you about all the things we talk about every other week. But I got to a point where I was looking at the numbers: I was looking at the visitor count and newsletter subscribers and couldn’t help but ask myself why I continue doing it when it appears I am making no impact.

I stopped for a couple of months and then one day I found myself writing again and it dawned on me that I stopped doing something that I love simply because of other people’s perceptions. I stopped exercising my creative abilities, I stopped channeling all the positivity that I wish to share with the world simply because the numbers weren’t supporting my vision.

I was disappointed I won’t lie.

I was disappointed in myself because I created this blog to motivate others. To make others feel that they belong, to speak about stuff that are uncomfortable. But I realized that I actually wasn’t I was talking the talk, but not walking walk. I was I was actually being kind of a hypocrite because I told everybody around me: Don’t give up on your dreams keep pushing keep doing this and that no matter what people say. I stopped doing what I wanted because of what people said. When I finally started writing again, I felt so much joy. I felt like I was myself again. I felt like a part of me that when dormant finally woke up and that’s when I realized that I can’t allow other people’s perceptions, other people’s views of the world determine how I live my life.

What I have come to realise is that most times what people say is not really towards you. A lot of the time what they’re saying is their perception, but most importantly what they’re saying is usually them projecting their fears on you. So when they’re saying that you’re not talented what they’re actually saying is that “I, the person that’s telling you can’t do it, cannot do what you are doing. Therefore, I am going to tell you that you can’t do it because if I can’t do it surely you can’t do it as well.“

It is beyond their comprehension that some people wish to live a life that is fearless; wish to live a life that is constantly in pursuance of the greatest version of themselves. And you can’t blame people. I mean the world has been presented to us in such a manner that we are constantly fearful. We are surrounded by information that says we can’t do something or we fall short in some way, and so we believe it. This ties into consumerism: buy this if you want to be liked and admisred.

But I won’t get into that in this post.

I realized that that negative self-self-talk or the negative outlook had nothing to do with me, but had a lot to do with how other people see the world and how other people processed things. And how people see the world and how people process has no bearing on how creative and how endearing I can be. Therefore, how people perceive and process whatever you create whether it is poetry, whether it is being great at being a lawyer, etc. should not impact how you view yourself and your ability. If anything, when people come to you with negative self-talk, you should see it as kind of affirming that you actually can do it. You know you have the ability to work hard, you have the ability to become that CEO, you have the ability to become a professional swimmer… You have the ability! And it’s sad that people are so afraid of potential.

People are so afraid of those that have ability and are using that ability to change their lives and I believe that if we continue to exist in a way that challenges this negativity, more people would be courageous enough to live life.

I’m quite sure that a lot of people watching today’s game were in awe of Lionel Messi. Messi started playing football at the age of four. After 31 years, at the age of 35, Messi finally lifted the World Cup. Surely then we can take a year, two years, five years, etc to work at whatever we want to do and achieve that goal.

If anything, today showed us that it is possible to achieve what others tell you is impossible. It is possible to live your ultimate dream and you are deserving of that. So don’t allow people’s negative talk to impact the trajectory of your life; especially now during the festive season!

We mingle a lot with family. We share what we’re up to, we share our goals and our dreams. And sometimes we might come across people that you know don’t have the same dreams don’t have the same vision. Or people that are afraid of dreaming, afraid of having visions. And that has nothing to do with us. What we have to do, our job on this earth, is to love authentically, to live outside of other people’s opinions and to achieve everything that we conceive!

And that’s all I wanted to tell you today: Know that you are capable. You’re able. You have the ability. You have the talent. You have the perseverance. Don’t be afraid, you can do it. If Messi can do it, we can do it!

I’ll see you in 2023.

The post Be Like Messi: Ignoring Exernal Negativity and Pursuing Growth first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Being More Present in My Friendships

Ros Limbo — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 08:57:00 +0000

Let’s talk friendships.

Friendship is defined as a state of mutual trust and support. However, recently I have started to wonder how the manner in which you trust and support yourself impacts how you trust and support those around you.

As an adult, forming and maintaining friendships becomes a challenge. This is because we become wrapped up in trying to reach this destination of financial freedom and motional stability that we were promised as kids; a destination that seems unattainable the more you think about it. In our quest to reach this promised land, we start to isolate and become laser focused on getting to that arbitrary finish line that we no longer trust and support ourselves in other aspects of our lives. Which then impacts our ability to trust and support those around us.

In my previous post I talked about how I want to become more present in my friendships. And I know this has to be a conscious effort on my part as people get busier as they grow older. But have you noticed something strange? As we grow older, we become busier. However, in this state of “busyness”, we become more isolated and more alone. One would think that when you are always up to something that you are interacting with more people, thus creating more relationships. But that’s not the case… But I digress.

In my effort to become more present in my relationships, I have promised to check in regularly with those I love, with those that have supported me and with those I have trusted my emotions with. I know now that nurturing relationships requires time and effort. Social media has created this illusion that if you like someone’s status or comment under someone’s picture that you are being a friend. But in actual fact that distance still exists. It’s a distance that can only be reduced through meaningful interactions; whether it is a phone call, a string of texts or meeting up in person.

I know that facilitating this shift will require effort on my part Things will have to change and I will need to become more intentional with what I spend my time on. This is the only way I can create space in my life for those that have trusted and supported me. But more importantly, it will allow me to be able to support those I love when they need me.

The other day I was talking to an acquaintance about how, when we grow older, we are always expected to give. But I have come to realise that you do not want to give part of yourself in a friendship. You want to share a part of yourself. When you give part of yourself, you remove that part of you and give it to someone to do as they please with it (theoretically). However, when you share with someone, you create enough space: you multiply your ability to love, to care, to support that other person. You create space for that person to sit under the same umbrella as you. And because you are sharing that space, that umbrella, you will always work to ensure that the space is positive and loving. This is because you are in that space with that person. So as you nurture and grow yourself, you nurture and grow that friendship as well.

So I suppose 2022 is the year of friendships.

So if you are reading this, know that you are loved and regarded as a friend.

xoxo

The post Being More Present in My Friendships first appeared on Ros Limbo.

2021: Toxic Traits and Self-Discovery

Ros Limbo — Sat, 29 Jan 2022 08:00:00 +0000

Hi everyone

This post is somewhat late. I have been going back and forth deciding whether I really wanted to write it. This is because I have come to see just how problematic New Year’s resolutions can be. Resolutions, at times, have a way of holding us back; keeping us trapped in our old ways instead of propelling us to where we want to be.

So this post isn’t dedicated to New Year’s resolutions. It’s a post about what I learnt in 2021 and how I will use that new found knowledge to push my dreams forward in 2022.

My 2021 can be grouped into two categories:

My toxic traits (because no-one is perfect);
Uncovering other parts of me

My Toxic Traits

One thing I have noticed about myself is that I can be very emotionally manipulative; a trait I share with many Aquarians. For the longest time I didn’t realise that I was using emotional manipulation to get what I want. I have used self-pity and sadness to somewhat manipulate those around me into giving me the answers I want. It is something that I no longer want to do and actively try not to do. I know now that in order to move away from this type of being, I have to address the issues of self-pity. It’s okay to feel sad, but it’s not okay to weaponise that sadness and use it against people you love.

I have also realised that I have a lot of preconceived notions about what my friends think of me. For the longest time I have held the belief that my friends don’t really love me or value me. However, I now know that this belief does not stem from them not loving me, but stems from the fact that I do not love or value myself to the extent that my friends do. And because I don’t love or value myself to that extent, I have a hard time believing that those around me can. And this has affected my of my friendships.

In order to heal these relationships, I need to allow people to carry me and love me through certain situations without questioning their motives. But more importantly, I need to start loving myself, caring for myself and valuing myself in the way that I want others to love, care and value me. The extent to which you love and value yourself is the extent to which you believe others can love and value you.

Uncovering parts of me

2021 was a year that I uncovered and healed certain parts of me.

In May of 2021 I got hospitalised. While I was there, people started pointing out parts of me that I had never noticed. They said that I am a very calm person and I make those around me feel secure in who they are. Which is somewhat contradictory to how I view myself. But then again, how one views themselves is not always an accurate portrayal of who they truly are.

It was in the hospitalise that I realised that I love making people feel heard, feel seen and valued. Although scared to admit it, I want to become a clinical psychologist. Yes, its a drastic pivot from my current job (an internal auditor). You have to understand, for the longest time I didn’t know what I wanted to be. And so I continued to move further and further in the wrong direction. But now I know that I cannot keep moving in that direction. It’s 2022 and I will no longer allow the fears of others prevent me from living my dream.

Apart from discovering my true calling, I was also introduced to intuitive eating.

I have been counting calories for an extremely long time; just one of the way an eating disorder manifests. After being hospitalised, I decided I wouldn’t count calories anymore. Rather, I would listen to my body and give it what it needs. The human body is amazing; it knows what it wants and needs, and in what quantity. By allowing my body more autonomy, I have become less anxious around food. I no longer experience the crippling shame that came with eating “unhealthy” food.

Contrary to what might think, your body doesn’t go into a tailspin. What most surprised me is that my body craved good, homecooked meals. And because I was no longer afraid to eat (and be seen eating) “unhealthy” food, I didn’t want it anymore. My weight over these past two months has been the most stable in a very long time.

I don’t want to make it sound like it was easy. It took a lot of time and effort, a lot patience and kindness to get to this point…all while still going to therapy. But it’s worth it for those who suffer from eating disorders.

2021 was one hell of a year. Through all the struggles and setbacks, I learnt so much about myself. And for that, I will be forever grateful.

Happy 2022:)

The post 2021: Toxic Traits and Self-Discovery first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Hey There Beautiful

Ros Limbo — Wed, 01 Dec 2021 09:00:00 +0000

It feels weird coming back to writing….coming back to blogging because I haven’t been doing it for such a long time. But more than anything I haven’t been doing it consistently for a very long time. I’ve kept wondering why this was. I kept wondering if I fell out of love with writing. But then I have come to realise that that’s not the case.

I say that because I have been doing a number of projects that require me to do a lot of writing outside my workspace. One of the projects being starting my own YouTube channel. I suppose I stopped writing because I wasn’t sure what to write about anymore. I wasn’t sure where I was in my life. I also wasn’t sure where to focus my energy.

This year I have come to realise that I am a very complex person. I am multifaceted and that’s okay. I have a lot of interests, a lot of things I dibble ad dabble in that I am good at. So it has been quite hard to ascertain who I am. But I do want to come back to writing; I do want to occupy space in such a way that I can hold space for others.

This year I have seen that I am that person that really enjoys holding space for others, really enjoys seeing others be the best versions of themselves. So I guess that’s what this will become. I am unsure whether I will archive my older posts or if I will keep them public. I am leaning towards keeping them public until the end of December 2021.

I wish to archive everything not because I wish to hide anything, but because I want to see it as a new chapter in my writing journey. I am realising that I want to change a lot of BIG THINGS in my life:) This takes a lot of courage, a lot of intention. This takes a lot of carving out space and time that I usually dedicate to other things. And one of the most important things I am trying to do is spend more time on my writing and cultivating that skill.

Sorry, I’m rambling. Back to what I want this blog to be about.

I want to create space for people to feel safe, to feel held, to feel heard and feel free to be themselves. Part of that will entail me being very open and honest about my experience living with a mental illness. Mental illness is just not talked about enough. I want people to know that they can still be who they want to be, even if they live with a mental illness. I move through life with the most courage that I can master. So that’s what I have in mind.

The process of writing and being more active here will mean I will have to actively jotting down the happenings of my life. Not in the sense of a diary but more as a way to evaluate my emotions; evaluate where I am mentally and emotionally. But also see where I want to go. Because when you write, a lot of subconscious thoughts make themselves known. These are the thoughts that help you become more aware of where you want to be in life and how you need to grow.

I am hoping that this can be the start of reviving my blog, and intentionally creating spaces where people can be themselves.

See you in the next post

xoxo

The post Hey There Beautiful first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Veganism and Eating Disorders

Ros Limbo — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 19:22:55 +0000

When I went vegan my therapist asked me whether it was my decision or that of the eating disorder.

In all honesty, I didn’t really know. I remember the day I decided to stop eating meat. I remember explaining to family that I no longer enjoyed meat and thus didn’t see the need to eat it.

I cut out meat. And then I removed all diary and other animal products from my diet. Before I knew it I was cutting out different types of fruits and vegetables. My reasoning: I didn’t like the texture. It was in that moment that I realised that going vegetarian, and later vegan, were all manifestations of my eating disorder.

The eating disorder mind is very manipulative because it’s really unwell, it’s not a healthy brain that thinks rationally, so it’s always looking for validation to maintain disordered thoughts and behaviours.
Renee McGregor, dietician

When you have an eating disorder, you have an unhealthy relationship with food. I think about food all the type: what I’m going to eat, when I have to eat, how to reduce the calories I consume, etc. My brain is constantly being bombarded with ways to control and restrict what I eat, something that veganism helps me achieve.

While I believed that I became vegan for ethical reasons, I soon realised that I became vegan to hide my constant need to restrict and control what I ate. I am not saying veganism causes eating disorders. Eating disorders are complex psychological conditions that are caused by a combination of psychological, social and biological factors. However, veganism made it easier because the eating disorder aimed to control what I ate and restrict without question.

In her article Veganism and Eating Disorders: Facts and Fiction, Taylor Wolfram states that one can tell if a vegan has an eating disorder when they “…refuse to eat the vegan versions of what I like to call “fun foods.” This may include pizza, burgers, cheese, ice cream and baked goods.” In this instance veganism can no longer be used as an excuse to restrict, exposing the fear of weight gain and desire to restrict.

I am no longer in denial about having an eating disorder. And although at times being vegan can aid my eating disorder, I cannot ignore the many ways in which it has helped me.

I’m in a constant state of recovery; reminding myself that food is not the enemy.

The post Veganism and Eating Disorders first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Why Do I Have This Blog Anyway?

Ros Limbo — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 12:47:04 +0000

I don’t know.

No really, I don’t know.

I started blogging in 2014. Back then I just wanted to write so I switched my pen for the keyboard. I still had the dream of becoming a fulltime writer. I imagined that one day HuffPost would publish my work and my life would be changed forever.

But then my life did change forever: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on medication.

A side story before I continue. Like most people growing up, everything I knew about mental illness I learnt from TV. I remember watching 90210 and being introduced to the character called Ern Silver. Erin was a hot mess. She drank excessively and would have random outbursts. As the show progressed, it was revealed that Erin had bipolar disorder. From that point on my perception of people with bipolar disorder was that they were highly unstable, alcoholics and could not be trusted.

And then karma…

In the beginning, I wasn’t expressly told that I had bipolar. I found this out when I decided to read the letter my psychiatrist sent to my medical aid. I was furious. How dare this lady compare me to an unstable alcoholic! Couldn’t she see that I had a stable job and by my standards I was functioning just fine.

Being the Aquarian that I am, I confronted her on my next visit. She allowed me to rant, which I did for a good 30 minutes. After that she sat me down and explained what bipolar disorder was. She then went further and gave me examples of how I exhibited these symptoms during my visits to her. So moral of the story: don’t go confronting professionals without doing your research.

My life changed. I went from being “normal” to being what society sees as unstable and possibly violent. I started to notice the many biases people had towards those living with mental illness. It frustrated me because it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t true. People living with mental illness are only unstable if they are not granted access to proper medical care (a topic that deserves its own blog post). Many psychologists believe that people with mental illness are more likely to harm themselves then harm others.

So I guess that’s why I started this blog. I want to show people that a lot of what you see on TV concerning mental illness is not true. My dream is to create a space where others feel safe to talk about their mental illness. So going forward I promise to be more consistent with my writing. But more importantly, I will be more intentional about discussing mental illness biases on this blog.

And with that, have an amazing festive season.

Happy holidays:

The post Why Do I Have This Blog Anyway? first appeared on Ros Limbo.

The Invisible Prison of Eating Disorders

Ros Limbo — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 21:22:59 +0000

I have lost almost 10kg over the past three months. And getting there took drastic measures.

And not the ones you may be thinking about.

When you have an eating disorder, losing weight can be tricky. My psychologist told me that for those with eating disorders, there is a fine line between eating well and feeding (or starving) emotions. When the thought of healing my relationship with food crossed my mind, I was scared. I was scared that I would have a few days of progress before falling back into the black abyss that sees me binging and purging for days on end. Part of me wondered if the risk was even worth taking. “Weighing 80kg is way better than having your face in a toilet pot” is what I constantly told myself.

But in July something changed. All the reasons I had to justify my abusive relationship with food were gone. I now lived by myself. There was no pressure to eat certain foods at certain times. I no longer needed to hide the food I turned to for a binge. Nor did I have to run the shower so that no one would hear me get sick. I was alone. Alone with my fears and my thoughts. There was no one left to blame, nowhere left to hide. There was only me and the demons of my mental illnesses.

I realised something had to change but I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I signed up for a six month-program created by a close friend of mine. The aim of the program is simple: see food as a source of nourishment and not as an enemy. I’ll be honest, if this thing was done by anyone else I probably would have quit after the first week. By my third day in, I was having withdrawal symptoms. I call them withdrawal symptoms because I don’t know how else to explain the burning sensation in my throat or the constant nausea I experience when I do not binge and purge.

I stayed on the program because the person guiding me through the process created a safe space where I did not feel pressured to do anything. A space where I was listened to and my feelings were allowed to exist without judgement. For the first time I was encouraged to play and experiment with food, to spend time with food and see it as a creative outlet.

Y’all the process has been a hot mess at times, but here I am. There are days when I force myself to sleep because the urge to binge becomes so strong. There are days where I find myself exercising for over two hours to “burn off” the calories I had consumed. However, on most days, I spend hours in the kitchen cooking or baking. I’m not at the point where I can eat what I bake because I fear I might trigger a relapse, but the fact that it no longer makes me anxious leaves me so excited.

I’m a long way from recovered. If I’m honest. I think I will always be on the round to recovery. But I’m okay with that. As long as I keep moving forward, I’ll be okay.

The post The Invisible Prison of Eating Disorders first appeared on Ros Limbo.

Turning 30? Here is What I Learnt in My 29 Years

Ros Limbo — Fri, 15 May 2020 14:14:44 +0000

Are you afraid of ageing?

I’m not sure if I’m afraid of ageing or if I am afraid of the change that comes with it. Family members move away, best friends become distant acquaintances and the person in the mirror seems like a stranger.

People say life starts at 30, but there’s this dread weighing heavy on my heart that seems to think otherwise.
30 feels so final, so definite. The year you’re supposed to officially be an adult. Right?

As I move closer to the big 3-0, I feel increasing pressure to have my life together. There’s this unspoken belief that if you don’t, you’ve failed.
Both yourself and everyone around you. And perhaps they’re right.

I’ve failed to spend time cultivating the skills and knowledge required to achieve the dreams I set for myself when I was a little girl. But, to be fair, I’ve learnt a lot along the way too.

Life’s a mess, no matter how you look at it

I always thought that things could be clearly labelled and defined. You finish college at 21, get married at 25 and have your 2.5 kids before you turn 30. Simple and straight-forward, right?

Maybe in the movies, but not in real life. Nothing sticks to the timeline. Although I finished varsity on time, I was nowhere near ready for marriage by 25. I could barely wake up on time for work, let alone take care of a husband and two little humans.

Seeds are planted in your 20s

Your 20s are not the time for having your life together, they’re about learning. In your 20s, you learn what you love, what you hate and what you wish to cultivate.

The earlier parts of my 20s were spent wresting with whether I wanted to continue studying or drop out and become a freelance writer (that’s how much I believed in my ability).

The later part of my 20s was spent travelling.

I went Greece, Macedonia and Malaysia. I ate foreign food, climbed mountains and visited sacred places. I purposefully forced myself to travel beyond Africa so I could see what was out there.

I learnt to be kind to immigration officials because they can deport you. And I gained a new appreciation for the conventional toilet.

I later taught myself how to build websites and manoeuvre the process of self-hosting. Partly to save money, but mostly to see if I could do it myself. And if this website’s anything to go by, I don’t think I did too bad.

You have a low bullshit tolerance

Growing up, it seemed like lying was compulsory. Not in the sense that you were encouraged to lie, but the fact that being truly honest was frowned upon.

The older I become, the less patient I am. Lying is not only time-consuming, but it also requires a very good memory, something I was not blessed with.

Always remember to live in the moment

Life is delicate, life is short. It sounds cliché, but it’s true.

When was the last time you did something that reminded you to live in the present moment? Do you do it for yourself or for society?

This year, I found myself moving out to live by myself for the first time. As I spent the first night in my flat, I realised I missed some important moments in my past.

I failed to really appreciate the little time I spent in the kitchen with my mom, and I failed by not spending more moments like that with her.
I didn’t get a chance to learn how to make fondant figurines while my sister baked. I missed those moments because I was too busy working towards a future that I wasn’t even sure would ever materialise. I allowed stress to steal moments from me, but not any more.

Today, right now, I’m promising myself this: I will live in the moment. 30s looming or not.

The post Turning 30? Here is What I Learnt in My 29 Years first appeared on Ros Limbo.