I Wish That I Could Be Like A Cool Kid
“I wish that I could be like the cool kids,
‘Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in.
– Cool kids by Echosmith
Whenever my mom tells me stories of when I was younger, it sounds like a different person. According to her I loved dressing up, taking pictures and dancing. She points to pictures of me posing in 80’s inspired sunglasses and big hair, explaining how used to love being the centre of attention. By her accounts I stood out where ever we went; something the present me cannot understand.
Lately, whether through the media, friends or social interaction, I have been made aware that there are two types of women in this world. The first group of women is the one everyone wants to be with or wants to become. There are the sensual and sexy women that find it easy to assert themselves. They are confident in their own skin and confident enough to show skin. They are the Kylie Jenner‘s and Keke Palmer‘s of this world. Women who ooze sex appeal just be existing.
And then there is the second group of women; women that fail to live up to society’s definition of what a women should look like. Often referred to as wall flowers, these women go unnoticed by many. Society has allowed them to feel less human, less attracted and less needed. They are the Macie Lightfoot‘s of the world. Women that seem to be awkward even in their awkwardness.
I have been told countless of times that I am a Macie and not a Kylie. I cannot take a sexy picture to save my life, I hate tight clothing and love wearing rugby shorts with T-shirts. I couldn’t be a Kim Kardashian even if I dedicated my entire life to it. I will be honest, I have become jealous of women that are sexy. I have become jealous of how comfortable they seem in their skin and the certainty they project about who they are.
I know now that movies are not real (how silly of me to think otherwise). The countless conversations I have had with friends and strangers has shown me that the plain Jane never wins. In real life Ugly Betty does not get the office hottie and Cinderella does not go to the ball. Unless you have impeccable fashion sense, killer sex appeal and zero fcuks to give; this world does not care about you.
“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”
― Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata
Beautiful image and post. I often feel the same as you – an awkward awkward woman and jealous of the “cool kids”. It can be frustrating, humiliating, overwhelming, and stressful. 🙁
Know that you are not alone Mandy.