What do you want for your birthday? What would you like to do? What would you like to eat? Simple questions to which I never seem to have an answer.
I’m not used to my needs being put first. In a way I feel like I was raised to feel selfish whenever I ask for my needs to be met in anyway. I’m what society calls a servant; always there for others, willing (and sometimes able) to help in any way possible. Assistance makes me feel vulnerable and weak. At times I find myself being those people that give too much and too freely, until giving starts feeling like a chore. In the past I have always been in relationships where I had to give more than I received. I gave because I loved giving, then I gave because I wanted to be loved, then I gave because I wanted someone to finally give something in return…
And then I met someone that gave easily and freely; and it scared me.
I found myself with someone that gives openly and willingly, in ways I never thought anyone could. And here I’m not talking about the material things (even though he would buy me the moon if I asked for it). I’m talking about the little big things like quality time and affirmation. I have found someone that understands that I can be highly impatient, and thus doesn’t keep me waiting. He encourages me to talk about my insecurities, and thus understands when certain things hurt more than others. Perhaps he is just as weird as me, because he understands me when I go on a tangent about spirituality; or my talks of living on the beach and being a full time writer.
What I’m starting to realize is that I’m luckier than most, often getting unwarranted “I love you” and “You are beautiful”. But more than anything I am realizing that everyone deserves to be in a relationship that fosters love and happiness. You should not have to do something or omit certain actions that are an integral part of you in order to “gain” someone’s affection. You shouldn’t have to remain stagnant or change in a way that prohibits growth for someone to appreciate your worth. You should give, but don’t allow society to fool you into believing that you don’t deserve to receive a gift just as great if not greater than what you have given.
You deserve love, in all its forms. You deserve people that will laugh at your bad jokes, and tolerate your bad food. You deserve the best…Remember that in 2016 and the years to come.