I have been an individual always willing to compromise. I always wanted people to feel uncomfortable, even when it brought me discomfort. I listened, offered, provided and gave up things all in attempts to please people. And now I’m tired!
For most of my life, asking for what I wanted resulted in me being called selfish. I was told that I always thought of myself when I wanted more time alone, or said no when asked for something I didn’t have. I didn’t want to be labeled that, and so I started saying yes to everyone and everything. I said yes when asked for time I couldn’t spare, yes to giving money I didn’t have, yes to actions I didn’t condone. I said yes because the world had taught me to fear saying no.
I have become an emotional acrobat; bending over backwards to please those around me. I always wonder if I am indeed as selfish as people make me out to be. Or if people are so used to me saying yes, that they feel fine with bullying me into the decision.
Recently I have found people asking me to stop being myself, so that I can make others feel more “accommodated” and ‘comfortable”. This may not have been their intention, but I ended up feeling like my level of comfort and being was not of any importance. Once again I was made to feel like I’m of lesser importance as the needs of others had to come before my own.
I am tempted to hide. Hide so that I’m not tempted to continuously bend over backwards to the will of those who could care less of what happens to me.