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The hardest part about being patient is waiting…

I have written and rewritten this post countless of times. Each time hoping that I could better phrase my emotions. Package them in a way that makes sense to not only me, but to everyone that reads this. So I will start by saying that I haven’t slept for the past three days. Every time I close my eyes, it is as though I am being haunted by all my failures. I keep reliving the worst moments of my past. Memories that I hide so far deep in my soul that I had forgotten they existed. Again I’m placed in the same position of powerlessness, of fear and great doubt. I see as it begins to cripple my mind as I can no longer see my future. All my dreams are now cast into darkness, and I’m left to feel as though I will forever be that girl that is second best to everyone and everything.

As the dose increases, and my visits to the psychiatrist become more frequent, I feel myself moving closer to breaking point. I no longer know whether the dreams I have used to anchor me will remain relevant for much longer. It is as though the foundation I for so long believed to be made from stone, is nothing but sand. My world is beginning to unravel at a speed that I find hard to control, and nothing helps. I no longer cry, and I always find myself telling those around me half truths of how I really am. A smile seems harder to master, as I continuously feel defeated. I am confronted with the fact that maybe I’m just not good enough, maybe I just don’t cut it.

Today I find it hard to be grateful. I cant find the strength to run away from my sorrow, as it is all being used to sustain my will to live. Today I’m not a blogger, I’m simply broken. Today I’m depressed:(

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Ros Limbo
mulemwa.limbo@gmail.com

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2 thoughts on “TIRED

  1. Hi Ros,
    Recently you added me to your circles in Google+, and from there, I found my way to your blog. After reading it, I feel compelled to ask you: do you know you are loved?

    God loves YOU than anything! When we keep our emotions to ourselves, or we try to fight through them by ourselves, we can never win. You are broken, I am broken. But God has the glue. There is nothing you, or I, or anyone, could ever to to keep God from loving us! Our strength does not come from within, it comes from God.

    Do you want the guilt to go away? Ask forgiveness. Just ask. There are no fancy words or special phrases needed. Just talk to God. He will accept you the way you are, and make you a new creation.

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

    If you have any questions, or want learn more about God, or just want to talk, you can message me on Google. I added you back 🙂

    "I love you, I love you, I love you" –Jesus

  2. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me of that. At times I forget that. I lose focus. He gave me the strength to share my story and I know He will grant me the strength to overcome.

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