I have always been insecure, maybe a little more than most. I was never the pretty girl. I was the pretty girl’s friend. The chubby girl that no one asked out. The girl that was one of the guys. So I dont know why this year I decided to enter for Miss Namibia.
I didn’t put much thought into the application. I’m not a fan of swimwear and I can’t walk in heels. I have braces, so putting vaseline on my teeth to make my smile stand out would not be an option for me. I’m not sample size, on a good day I’m a size 12. I entered because I wanted more girls like me to have an everyday role model. I wanted to show young women that one doesn’t have to be super skinny or adorn weaves to be seen as beautiful. I wanted the world to know that being unique, querky and different was the best thing you can be in a world that supports conformity.
So when I found out I was not even good enough to make the top 12, I was devistated. I felt as though society had won. That the idea of beauty would remain the same, and more young girls that are like me would have to grow up with the impossed idea that they are not beautiful. I was disappointed in myself. And I remember thinking that maybe I should lose more weight and try again next year.
I carried this idea for over a month, everyday telling myself what I should and shouldn’t eat. Thinking of getting myself on diet pills such as duromine or slimbetti to get me from average size to boarderline anorexic. I had convinced myself that maybe I was wrong and the world was right, maybe I wasn’t good enough. And as I was about to request for a prescription from my doctor, I got a message from my brother Simataa. The message was short and said the following: “You are unique hey, and you can bet my life that you could have won Miss Namibia had they accepted you… You are much smarter.”
If you know my brother, you would understand why these words mean so much to me. It reminded me of two things: 1. I am different, querky and unique; and 2. There are people in my life that love me regardless of how the outside world views me. This this is the message I hope to spread to the world oneday. That being different doesnt mean you are not loved, and a title can and should never define your beauty.